gunwithoutmusic | 06. When It Rains, It Pours

"Firing Squad"
254 words. Approximate reading time: 1 minute, 40 seconds. Audio version here.

letters left on pillows
messages left on phones
the rat-a-tat-tat
rat-a-tat-a-tat-tat

fleeting thoughts—invasive
or should I say pervasive
the rat-a-tat-tat
rat-a-tat-a-tat-tat

articulate
pontificate
gesticulate
communicate
I can’t
I can’t
I can’t
I won’t

I sit on the porch with my father,
Watching the thunderstorms roll in.
When lightning strikes,
We both smile, safe from the rain.

I sit on the porch with my boyfriend,
If you can call it a porch,
Smoking our last cigarette of the day
And wiping the rain from our arms.

I sit on the porch with my best friend,
Looking out over the landscape
Formed by apartment buildings,
And wiping the tears from my eyes.

driving at night
through half-remembered cities
the rat-a-tat-tat
rat-a-tat-a-tat-tat

neurons are firing
thoughts are conspiring
the rat-a-tat-tat
rat-a-tat-a-tat-tat

postulate
consolidate
proliferate
communicate
I can’t
I can’t
I can’t
I won’t

I examine the ocean,
Waves crashing on the shore
Reminding me of being under them,
And of barely returning to life.

I sit in the car in my driveway,
Desperate for a phone call
While the heavy rains beat down,
A phone call that will never come.

I hold tightly to the handlebars
As I feel myself off-kilter.
My balance finally fails me
And I fall hard to the ground.

I put a lid on it
a glass lid on it
the rat-a-tat-tat
rat-a-tat-a-tat-tat

try to let it simmer
until it has reduced
the rat-a-tat-tat
rat-a-tat-a-tat-tat

incinerate
obliterate
invalidate
evaporate
I can’t
I can’t
I can’t
They won’t

the rat-a-tat-tat
rat-a-tat-a-tat-tat
the rat-a-tat-tat
rat-a-tat-a-tat-tat