06. When It Rains, It Pours
Dec. 21st, 2020 10:41 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
254 words. Approximate reading time: 1 minute, 40 seconds. Audio version here.
letters left on pillows
messages left on phones
the rat-a-tat-tat
rat-a-tat-a-tat-tat
fleeting thoughts—invasive
or should I say pervasive
the rat-a-tat-tat
rat-a-tat-a-tat-tat
articulate
pontificate
gesticulate
communicate
I can’t
I can’t
I can’t
I won’t
I sit on the porch with my father,
Watching the thunderstorms roll in.
When lightning strikes,
We both smile, safe from the rain.
I sit on the porch with my boyfriend,
If you can call it a porch,
Smoking our last cigarette of the day
And wiping the rain from our arms.
I sit on the porch with my best friend,
Looking out over the landscape
Formed by apartment buildings,
And wiping the tears from my eyes.
driving at night
through half-remembered cities
the rat-a-tat-tat
rat-a-tat-a-tat-tat
neurons are firing
thoughts are conspiring
the rat-a-tat-tat
rat-a-tat-a-tat-tat
postulate
consolidate
proliferate
communicate
I can’t
I can’t
I can’t
I won’t
I examine the ocean,
Waves crashing on the shore
Reminding me of being under them,
And of barely returning to life.
I sit in the car in my driveway,
Desperate for a phone call
While the heavy rains beat down,
A phone call that will never come.
I hold tightly to the handlebars
As I feel myself off-kilter.
My balance finally fails me
And I fall hard to the ground.
I put a lid on it
a glass lid on it
the rat-a-tat-tat
rat-a-tat-a-tat-tat
try to let it simmer
until it has reduced
the rat-a-tat-tat
rat-a-tat-a-tat-tat
incinerate
obliterate
invalidate
evaporate
I can’t
I can’t
I can’t
They won’t
the rat-a-tat-tat
rat-a-tat-a-tat-tat
the rat-a-tat-tat
rat-a-tat-a-tat-tat
no subject
Date: 2020-12-22 09:52 pm (UTC)Secondly, this is - visceral. The language is evocative and I'm left feeling alienated in the most beautiful way. I also love the change-up of, "I can't, I won't" to "I can't, THEY won't." The loneliness is relatable, and the invasive and pervasive thoughts are seemingly universal, even within this telling of your own story.
I'm glad you changed it up this week. I'm really, really thrilled with this. Excellent, friend! <3
no subject
Date: 2020-12-27 02:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-12-23 05:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-12-27 02:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-12-23 07:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-12-27 02:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-12-24 11:45 am (UTC)" neurons are firing
thoughts are conspiring"
my favorite bit. Well done with cadence and meaning.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-27 02:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-12-24 09:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-12-27 02:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-12-27 12:36 am (UTC)But I'm glad you've persisted through those tough times. I like who you have become at this point in life, and more importantly, I think you do too. :)
no subject
Date: 2020-12-27 02:09 am (UTC)And even those stupid little moments make me the person I am so yeah, maybe better to just embrace that and lose myself in those fleeting thoughts sometimes. ;)
no subject
Date: 2020-12-27 06:20 pm (UTC)Watching the rain, the storm, the storms of life sweep over us.
This is wonderful. Bravo!
no subject
Date: 2020-12-28 12:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-12-27 09:49 pm (UTC)I completely related to so much of it, too, and I'm impressed by this new direction this week. Really well done!
no subject
Date: 2020-12-28 12:37 am (UTC)