gunwithoutmusic: (Default)
[personal profile] gunwithoutmusic
"Firing Squad"

254 words. Approximate reading time: 1 minute, 40 seconds. Audio version here.

letters left on pillows
messages left on phones
the rat-a-tat-tat
rat-a-tat-a-tat-tat

fleeting thoughts—invasive
or should I say pervasive
the rat-a-tat-tat
rat-a-tat-a-tat-tat

articulate
pontificate
gesticulate
communicate
I can’t
I can’t
I can’t
I won’t

I sit on the porch with my father,
Watching the thunderstorms roll in.
When lightning strikes,
We both smile, safe from the rain.

I sit on the porch with my boyfriend,
If you can call it a porch,
Smoking our last cigarette of the day
And wiping the rain from our arms.

I sit on the porch with my best friend,
Looking out over the landscape
Formed by apartment buildings,
And wiping the tears from my eyes.

driving at night
through half-remembered cities
the rat-a-tat-tat
rat-a-tat-a-tat-tat

neurons are firing
thoughts are conspiring
the rat-a-tat-tat
rat-a-tat-a-tat-tat

postulate
consolidate
proliferate
communicate
I can’t
I can’t
I can’t
I won’t

I examine the ocean,
Waves crashing on the shore
Reminding me of being under them,
And of barely returning to life.

I sit in the car in my driveway,
Desperate for a phone call
While the heavy rains beat down,
A phone call that will never come.

I hold tightly to the handlebars
As I feel myself off-kilter.
My balance finally fails me
And I fall hard to the ground.

I put a lid on it
a glass lid on it
the rat-a-tat-tat
rat-a-tat-a-tat-tat

try to let it simmer
until it has reduced
the rat-a-tat-tat
rat-a-tat-a-tat-tat

incinerate
obliterate
invalidate
evaporate
I can’t
I can’t
I can’t
They won’t

the rat-a-tat-tat
rat-a-tat-a-tat-tat
the rat-a-tat-tat
rat-a-tat-a-tat-tat

Date: 2020-12-22 09:52 pm (UTC)
bsgsix: (Default)
From: [personal profile] bsgsix
First of all, I'm so glad you went with this, and I noticed the edits. They are wonderful! :)

Secondly, this is - visceral. The language is evocative and I'm left feeling alienated in the most beautiful way. I also love the change-up of, "I can't, I won't" to "I can't, THEY won't." The loneliness is relatable, and the invasive and pervasive thoughts are seemingly universal, even within this telling of your own story.

I'm glad you changed it up this week. I'm really, really thrilled with this. Excellent, friend! <3

Date: 2020-12-23 05:11 pm (UTC)
bleodswean: (Default)
From: [personal profile] bleodswean
You step outside your purview and bring yourself entirely with you. That's a treat! This is so IMMEDIATE that it drew me in, held me by the throat and when it let me go I went back again and again. It's a fast-paced read that asks for more time to be spent and I find that quality fascinating. A compelling juxtaposition.

Date: 2020-12-23 07:54 pm (UTC)
swirlsofpurple: (Default)
From: [personal profile] swirlsofpurple
Absolutely beautifully done.

Date: 2020-12-24 11:45 am (UTC)
From: [personal profile] eeyore_grrl
thank you for doing the audio recording; as we all know I believe poetry was meant to be heard.

" neurons are firing
thoughts are conspiring"

my favorite bit. Well done with cadence and meaning.

Date: 2020-12-24 09:48 pm (UTC)
alycewilson: Photo of me after a workout, flexing a bicep (Default)
From: [personal profile] alycewilson
I feel like a storm of memories has swept through this poem, leaving puddles of emotion. Great to see you going with poetry this week.

Date: 2020-12-27 12:36 am (UTC)
halfshellvenus: (Default)
From: [personal profile] halfshellvenus
It is so hard not to get beaten down by the adversities of life. They just drain the energy right out of you, and can become all you're still able to see.

But I'm glad you've persisted through those tough times. I like who you have become at this point in life, and more importantly, I think you do too. :)

Date: 2020-12-27 06:20 pm (UTC)
murielle: Me (Default)
From: [personal profile] murielle
Beautiful! Haunting!

Watching the rain, the storm, the storms of life sweep over us.

This is wonderful. Bravo!

Date: 2020-12-27 09:49 pm (UTC)
flipflop_diva: (Default)
From: [personal profile] flipflop_diva
I came here expecting another walk in woods, but this totally defied my expectations! I love how the cadence of the poem echoes all of life's thoughts and memories coming at you and it almost reinforces how you can't get away from it.

I completely related to so much of it, too, and I'm impressed by this new direction this week. Really well done!

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