1. Someone who will love you in all your damaged glory

[gunwithoutmusic]

He liked to
Play with words
In the bathtub
While she vibrated in his skull
And the filth of the day
Sloughed from his skin
And he steeped in it

And who was I
To say what could
Or couldn't be
When all I would do was watch
And there weren't
Enough substances
In the world to prevent
The creep of clarity

When we finally
Saw each other
We scraped our hands
Against the clock
Trying to gather our
Lost moments
And found only dust

Comments

[swirlsofpurple]

This is gorgeously macabre, I adore it

[gunwithoutmusic]

Thank you. I don't know if it was the prompt or just the fact that it's been a bit since I've done any serious writing, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't struggle. I'm pretty happy with how it turned out, despite how terse it is. Glad you enjoyed it! :)

[pixiebelle]

I really like how you worded this. There are some lovely, evocative lines here.

[gunwithoutmusic]

Thank you so much! :)

[thephantomq]

Very succinct. Which honestly gives this so much more punch. Well done.

[gunwithoutmusic]

I was concerned about the length at first, but I really do think adding to it would lessen the impact. Glad you enjoyed!

[adoptedwriter]

OMG! So well-versed!

[gunwithoutmusic]

Thank you, thank you :)

[murielle]

"...the creep of clarity..." And the whole last verse... Are going to be with me for a long time.I

You're back! 😃

[gunwithoutmusic]

I am! It feels weird writing again, haven't really done any since last Idol. :) But I'm enjoying getting back into the swing of it. Good to see you!

[murielle]

I haven't written since last Idol, too. It does feel weird.

Good to see you too! :-)

[fausts_dream]

Love to see poetry in the competition, particularly when it eschews a third grade rhyme scheme in search of more.

[gunwithoutmusic]

Thank you; poetry has never really been something that goes over well in Idol, but I thought it turned out. I might keep up in this vein assuming I survive long enough.

[roina_arwen]

I’m intrigued by this.

[gunwithoutmusic]

I'm intrigued by your comment. ;)

[halfshellvenus]

I really like this, and there are so many evocative phrases here. I couldn't help but read this as the POV of the child of an alcoholic father in a dysfunctional family.

[gunwithoutmusic]

Thank you! :) I like that take on it. Honestly the fact that you interpreted it wildly differently from how I did is one of the most exciting things to me about writing poetry over prose. It feels easier to be both deeply personal and universal at once.

[halfshellvenus]

! Now I want to know how you interpreted it!

And if this is a sample, you should definitely be writing more poetry. :D

[gunwithoutmusic]

When I was writing it, I was thinking about being just on the verge of realizing you're in a dead-end relationship, and trying to salvage what you can before coming to terms with it.

I usually try to come into a season of Idol with a "theme" in mind, and this time around I just... Didn't have anything. So maybe I'll do poetry this time around, for you. ;)

[bleodswean]

WHOA! This is rich rich rich - must be all that steeping! What a great visual right out the door! This reads as very serious and I like that about it. I read it three times and your pace forces a slow ingestion! Well done!

[gunwithoutmusic]

Thank you so much! I struggled with the prompt (it felt so literal to me, if that makes sense). I'm happy with what came out of it; I tried to layer some ideas and not make it so expected. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[muchtooarrogant]

So many possible interpretations, and that's often the fun of poetry, at least for me.

Nicely written.

Dan

[gunwithoutmusic]

Thank you so much! (I know I'm late but I always appreciate the support and want to make sure people know it lol)

[banana_galaxy]

It's good to see you back and trying something different than last season (although I did love that world you'd created). I look forward to seeing what direction you decide to take things this time!

[gunwithoutmusic]

I was so close to going back to that world I created, but it was born out of COVID paranoia so it's hard to get myself back in that place. I'm more paranoid about AI these days lol.

I honestly have no plan or direction coming into this season; no idea if that's good or bad but I guess we'll see. :)

[static_abyss]

Love the last stanza. The imagery was great and I loved the last line.

[gunwithoutmusic]

Thank you so much!

[rayaso]

I linked to your reply by mistake and couldn't figure out how to remove it. Sorry.

[gunwithoutmusic]

Thank you for the kind words that I saw in my Gmail notification before you edited your comment. ;) I appreciate you!

[alycewilson]

I like how you leave so much open for the reader. I was ruminating on different possibilities for who "she" was: his conscience, a lover, his mother or another close woman? Or perhaps she was his true self, which lay underneath the sloughing of skin and dirt? It feels like there's a desire here to shake off the skin suits and just be purely of the mind. Lovely.

[gunwithoutmusic]

I love this interpretation! The actual inspiration for that line came from me being in the bathtub listening to Bjork on my earbuds and thinking about the fact that she was quite literally vibrating inside my head, which is not nearly as romantic, but it made for a good line. ;)

[alycewilson]

If I had a choice of an inner voice, I think Bjork would be a great choice! My husband and I love her.

I recommend the excellent documentary "Screaming Masterpiece" on Icelandic music that includes some pieces by her. The English dub is currently only available on DVD, but the music is fantastic. There's a lot of Sigur Ros in it, too.

Screaming Masterpiece https://a.co/d/0e6hhJfk

[gunwithoutmusic]

Oh, awesome! I will have to check that out. :) I've been going through my music catalog for the last several months, listening through every album by artists I like and making a big playlist of all of the songs I like. I've been on Bjork for a while and just started listening to Fossora for the first time.

I hadn't actually listened to any of her albums after Medulla until just recently. She's certainly gotten more challenging as she's gotten older but there is a lot of really good and interesting stuff on her newer albums.

[alycewilson]

We love how inventive she is, and how poetic and weird and unabashed in her playfulness.

[winter_time]

The emotion in this is beautiful <3

[gunwithoutmusic]

Thank you!

[dadi]

Very interesting!

[gunwithoutmusic]

Thank you! It's always such a joy to see you pop up :)

[mollywheezy]

You've said a lot in a few words! Great job!

[gunwithoutmusic]

Thank you :)

[erulissedances]

Wow. I'm going to have to read this again when I have a bit more time. You've got something deep going on here, and I'm only catching the edges right now.

- Erulisse (one L)

[gunwithoutmusic]

Wow, thank you so much. I really appreciate this and I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)