18. Swim Until You Can't See Land

Thursday, August 11th—1:38 p.m.

1,371 words. Approximate reading time: 6 minutes, 51 seconds.

Caressa pushed her way carefully through the shelves and over small stacks of items, leading Anna along the path that Caressa had created earlier in the day, during her exploration. The early afternoon sun shone in through the window, lighting their way and illuminating the dust motes that wafted lazily through the stale air.

“Watch your step,” Caressa said to Anna as she stepped onto and over a stack of old newspapers. Anna stepped onto the stack, but the newspapers on top slipped underneath her feet and sent her crashing down onto the stack, sending up plumes of dust that made her sneeze.

“Are you okay?” Caressa asked, and Anna nodded and laughed.

“I’m fine,” she said. “These old papers are surprisingly good shock absorbers! Must be all of the dust.” She smiled at Caressa and stood back up carefully.

Caressa took Anna’s hand and said, “We’re almost there. Just gotta get to the backroom. Come on.” She led Anna around the last few shelves and through a swinging door into another room. The sunlight streamed in through some small windows at the top of the walls, creating a somewhat cozy atmosphere.

The room was similar to the front of the store, with piles of things all over, but with considerably more open space. Most everything here was just junk; scavengers would have picked up pretty much anything of value a long time ago. Caressa led Anna around the junk piles to a corner of the room.

“Here we are!” she said, waving her arms in front of her as if to present the space. There in the corner of the backroom sat two wingback armchairs, with ratty upholstery but plush seat cushions, with a small table between them. On the table sat something that Anna had never seen before: a small wooden box with a hand crank on the side and what looked to be a large golden horn emerging from the top.

“What is this?” Anna asked Caressa, mystified.

“It’s a music box!” Caressa exclaimed. “I found it this morning when I was digging around back here. It’s actually kind of a wonder that something like this was even still here. Most of the times I go digging around in these old stores all I find are shiny, worthless trinkets.”

“Your souvenirs,” Anna said with a small laugh. “I’m still waiting for the day that your mom has had enough and tosses out your whole collection.”

“I know!” Caressa replied. “She’s finally given up on trying to keep me from exploring, but I know she’s got it out for the stuff I bring back. Not this time, though! This guy is too cool, and I bet even she’d like it.”

“So why bring me here to see it? Why not take it home with you?”

“Well... I dunno. I thought it was really neat, and the atmosphere here and everything just adds to it, you know?” Caressa said. “I just thought that it would be cool to share a moment with my best friend, where it’s like we have this special thing that’s just ours, at least for a little bit.”

Anna leaned over the box, poking it and running her fingers along the sides. “So, how does it work?”

Caressa grinned. “Watch this,” she said, and she started turning the hand crank on the side of the box. Scratching and popping sounds started coming from the horn on top of the box, and the circular thing resting on it started spinning. Suddenly, music began blaring from the horn. It sounded like nothing Anna had ever heard.

“Amazing!” she cried, and threw herself into one of the chairs. Caressa turned the crank a few more times for good measure, then relaxed into the chair on the opposite side. “Caressa, this music is crazy. But I think I like it. What is this called?”

Caressa reached down under the table and pulled out a large cardboard sleeve, handing it to Anna. “This is what it came in. There are a bunch of them scattered around the store. Guess no one really figured out what they were for.” Anna held the sleeve and looked down at it. The sleeve was mostly beige, with a faded photo of a man and a woman on it. It looked like they were performing some sort of religious ceremony.

“It’s hard to make out the words,” Anna said with a frown.

“Yeah, I thought the same thing,” Caressa said. “I just liked the picture is why I grabbed it. But man, this music is something else! Let’s just... sit and listen to it for a bit. It only gets better.”

“Totally,” Anna said, and the two young women rested against their plush armchairs, eyes closed, relishing in the sounds that no one had probably heard in fifty years.

After a few songs had played, the music coming from the box started to slow down, and eventually it stopped spinning altogether. “Well, I guess that’s it,” Caressa said. “I can wind it back up again if you want.”

“No,” Anna said, eyes still closed. “The quiet’s nice, too. This place is really cool. I’m glad you brought me here.” She opened her eyes and looked at Caressa. “Now we’ll always have this memory, no matter what happens.”

Caressa smiled. “Yeah,” she said. “That’s why I wanted to share this with you. You and me, we’re sisters.” Anna smiled back at Caressa. “Okay,” Caressa said. “Let’s just sit and enjoy the quiet. And these comfy chairs.”

The two women sat in the quiet, watching the dust motes float around in the sun rays, for a few minutes. Finally, Caressa spoke up again. “When are we gonna get out of here, Anna?”

“We can stay all afternoon,” Anna replied.

“No,” Caressa said. “You know what I mean. Our plan, what we always talked about when we were girls. Getting out of this dead-end town.”

“Oh, Caressa,” Anna said quietly. “I don’t know anymore. I know things aren’t great here, but what makes you think it will be better anywhere else?”

“Maybe not better,” Caressa responded, “but different. Besides, it’s not like we’d be staying in one place. I wanna be like Ellis. You wanted to be like her, too.”

“Ellis... Ellis was so cool. She really seemed like she had it all together, huh?”

“She sure did! I still have the hammer that she gave me when she came through town.”

“You’ve been holding onto that thing for fifteen years?”

“Anna, you have no idea how much that hammer means to me. It’s my ticket out of here, always has been. I know you hate it here as much as I do. Trapped in this cage.”

“Maybe not a cage,” Anna said.

Caressa frowned. “What’s gotten into you? You used to love talking about this. Thinking about hitching our bikes up to a trailer and just riding away until this whole stupid town disappeared over the horizon. Just you and me, making it together, adventuring into the unknown.

“We’re so close, Anna. We’re old enough that we’ve got nothing holding us back anymore. All we’ve gotta do is get together the stuff and we’re out. I know it’s going to be hard to say goodbye to our families, but we can always come back and see them again. Nothing’s forever.”

“I know,” Anna said with a small sigh. “I know I’ve been brushing you off. I know I’ve been pushing things back. It’s just that, maybe things aren’t as simple as when we were girls.”

“What does that mean?” Caressa asked. “Are you backing out? You don’t want to do this with me anymore? We’ve been planning this basically our whole lives!”

“Why did you want me to come here?” Anna asked. “Was this all just a plan to pressure me to go along with you?”

“Anna, I told you! I wanted... I wanted a good memory. Just in case something happened. I know you’ve been having second thoughts lately.” Caressa sighed. “I also know that those second thoughts came to you very suddenly. And I wish that you would talk to me about it.”

Anna frowned. “Caressa, I can’t go. I can’t just leave. Not anymore. But... I think that you still should. I think that you should go chase our dream for the both of us.”

“Anna...”

A tear rolled silently down Anna’s cheek, followed by another. Caressa’s eyes widened. “Anna, please, just talk to me.”

“I’m pregnant.”

19. Ikigai

Friday, March 28th—11:21 a.m.

1,592 words. Approximate reading time: 7 minutes, 57 seconds.

Ellis swung her hammer down hard, driving the nail into place, then sat on the roof and wiped the sweat from her brow. She quickly surveyed her handiwork. The roof had been leaking pretty badly, the family had said, and they were worried that the leaks would only get worse when the late spring rains came in. Ellis was all too happy to jump at the task for her usual fee of room and board while she was working on repairs. Despite being stretched somewhat thin for food as it was, the family was also happy to oblige, since they knew that it was quite a deal for them.

Ellis’ repairs weren’t exactly pretty, but “beautiful house” was low on the priority list for everyone in the Free States, and having a roof covered with a hodge-podge of mismatched tiles was a small price to pay for having a roof that didn’t leak every afternoon when the rain came through. And Ellis knew that her repairs were good, and that the patches would hold for at least a few years.

She stood up and moved slowly to the edge of the roof, then climbed down her ladder. She pulled the ladder down and folded it up, collapsing it to a third of its full height, then carried the ladder into the backyard where her trailer was parked. She loaded the ladder into the trailer, then adjusted her tool belt and made her way back to the house. She pushed gently through the back door and into the kitchen, where Tara was stirring a pot of something over the wood-burning stove.

“That smells wonderful,” Ellis said with a smile, and Tara looked over at her and smiled back.

“It’s the same soup we have for lunch every day,” she said.

“Smells wonderful every day,” Ellis replied, continuing to smile.

Tara laughed. “Well, thank you. How is the roof coming along?”

“Just finished up,” she said proudly. “It looks good; I’m sure it’ll keep you dry in the rainy season.”

“Thank goodness!” Tara exclaimed. “I only have so many pots and buckets around here. It’ll be ready in just a few minutes. Why don’t you go into the living room? Caressa’s in there reading; I think she’s been waiting for you to finish.”

“Well, I was going to get started on that drafty front door,” Ellis said, “but I certainly can’t keep Caressa waiting.” She walked through the kitchen into the front hallway, admiring the construction of the house. This place certainly had good bones, and was in a lot better shape than some of the other houses in this town, but there were still plenty of repairs to be done. It might be a few weeks before she could get to everything she wanted to do.

She passed into the living room, where a little girl was curled up on a rickety old sofa with a picture book in her hands. As soon as the girl saw Ellis, she tossed the book to the floor and jumped up, running to her and wrapping her arms around Ellis’ legs.

“Ellis!” she shouted. “I heard you on the ceiling.”

“Yeah,” Ellis said, lightly rubbing the top of the girl’s head. “Just got everything fixed up, so now your mommy doesn’t have to worry about getting wet anymore.”

“You’re leaving?” Caressa asked quietly, looking up at Ellis with pleading eyes.

Ellis chuckled and shook her head. “Not yet,” she said. “I still have some work to do in the house. And I was wondering if maybe you wanted to help me.”

Caressa’s eyes lit up. “I can help!” she shouted excitedly, making Ellis chuckle again.

“Great!” Ellis said, picking Caressa up and walking over to the couch with her, setting her down gently and then sitting down on the floor next to the couch. “I’m always happy to have a helper. Sometimes it’s hard to do everything on your own.”

Caressa clapped her hands. “I wanna help! What do I do?”

Ellis smiled. “Well, I think the next thing I was going to work on was the stairs. You know how there are a couple of them that are real shaky when you step on them?” Caressa nodded. “I’m going to make it so they stop doing that. And that’s what I could use your help with.”

Caressa bounced up and down on the couch excitedly. “Okay!” she cried jubilantly.

Ellis reached into her tool belt and pulled out a small hammer that was sized just right for Caressa’s small hands. She held it out to Caressa, who took it from her carefully, as though she was handling a very special thing indeed. Caressa looked at the hammer in wonder as she grasped it around the handle and moved it slowly through the air.

“And that’s what you can use to help me with,” Ellis said. “Your very own hammer, just like mine.”

“For me?” Caressa asked.

“Yes, honey, that’s for you. You can even keep it if you want.”

“You mean it?”

“Of course!” Ellis said. “You know, when I was around your age, my dad got me that hammer, so I could help him fix things up. I had so much fun with it that I knew right then and there that I was going to spend my life fixing things up, just like him.”

“Wow,” Caressa said, looking down at her new treasure.

“It’s too small for me now,” Ellis said. “I like to carry it with me, though. It’s sort of like... a good luck charm. I always thought that one day, I’d have a little boy or girl of my own and I could give it to them. But I don’t know if I’ll do that now.”

“Why?” Caressa asked.

“Do you remember when I first came here, a few weeks ago?” Ellis asked. Caressa nodded. “Well, in a few weeks from now, I’m going to be done, and then I’m going to pack up my trailer and ride down the road until I get to the next town. And I’m going to see if anyone there needs my help, and if they do, I’m going to help them. That’s my job.”

“Okay...” Caressa said, not really following.

“Little girls and little boys don’t really belong out on the road,” Ellis explained. “It’s dangerous. Little girls and little boys need a home where they can stay. I don’t think I’ll ever leave the road for good, so I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to have a little boy or girl of my own.”

“Does that make you sad?” Caressa asked.

Ellis smiled slightly. “Sometimes,” she said. “But one of the things that is so great about being on the road is that I get to help all kinds of different people. And every now and then, I’ll get to help a family like yours. And they’ll let me stay with them, so I get to meet lots of kids just like you.”

Caressa smiled broadly. “But no one as cool as me.”

Ellis laughed. “Of course!” she said. “Out of all of the kids I’ve ever met, you are definitely the coolest. That’s why I want you to have that hammer. I might be gone in a few weeks, but I’ll never forget you. And I hope you don’t forget me, either.”

“I won’t!” Caressa shouted, just as Tara poked her head into the living room.

“Lunch is ready, you two,” Tara said, smiling warmly at the two. “Come and get it before it gets cold.”

Ellis stood up and hoisted Caressa onto her shoulders. Caressa squealed with glee and held onto her hammer tightly as Ellis carried her into the dining room, where the table had been set with three bowls filled with soup and three glasses of cloudy water. Ellis set Caressa gently down in one of the chairs before taking another chair for herself.

Tara sat down at the third chair, and all three started eating.

“Delicious as always,” Ellis said to Tara.

“Yeah, mommy!” Caressa cried. “It’s yummy!”

Tara laughed. “Thank you, you two. And thank you, Ellis, truly, for all you’ve done around here. I know it’s all little stuff, and my husband and I could manage if we had the supplies, but... well, you coming through here has just been a Godsend. I hope you know how much this means to all of us.”

Ellis smiled brightly. “No thanks necessary,” she said. “Everyone in the States needs help at some time or another. And I think that I was put on this planet to help wherever and however I can. Just being able to fix this place up for you, that’s my purpose.”

“Well it still means everything,” Tara said. “I don’t know what we would have done without you. And Caressa just adores you and all of your stories of the different places you’ve seen. Sometimes I worry that she’s going to try and hitch a ride with you when you’re done here.”

Ellis laughed. “Don’t worry; I’ll make sure she stays here.” She looked at Caressa and smiled. “Besides, someone’s gotta take over for me and make sure this house stays in tip-top shape after I leave, right?”

“Right!” Caressa shouted, holding her hammer up high. “That’s my job!”

Tara and Ellis both laughed, then all three enjoyed a quiet moment of respite from the worries of the day over a bowl of soup. Once the meal was finished, Tara stood up from her chair and began gathering the bowls. Ellis stood up from her chair and pulled a hammer out of her toolbelt. She looked at Caressa. “Well, you ready to help me take on these stairs?”

Caressa nodded quickly, her eyes sparkling. She jumped up from her chair and gripped her hammer tight. “Let’s do it!”