roina_arwen (
roina_arwen
) wrote
in
gunwithoutmusic
2022-06-24 02:12 am (UTC)
no subject
Heh. I thought it sounded too good to be true!
I think your first paragraph could use a little finessing; at the very least you might consider adding the word “before” to the end of this sentence:
It was bittersweet for Leon, who in all of his thirty years had never ridden on a train.
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no subject
I think your first paragraph could use a little finessing; at the very least you might consider adding the word “before” to the end of this sentence: It was bittersweet for Leon, who in all of his thirty years had never ridden on a train.